He said he was, but then. Of course not. I waited all day, I waited all night. And not even a phone-call. Get even? Not a bit of it! He would never know.
So, I loaded up my program, only to be faced with, this number is not valid? What? I had just made that fucking number? But, no, not valid. OK. No problem. I changed it. Then, other room. Changed the clothes. No wool. Wool leaves fibers. No hat. No gloves. No fibers.
I left. It was dark. Creepy. Says who? Them, wot don’t creep around in the dark, I thought! Ha, funny Ha!!! Get it? Probably not.
Well, let me tell you. See, I have this program. On a few of my computers. Oh, shit, OK, on my computer? Does that sound more amenable? Anyway, I listened to a few tracks. Boring. Then, I went on the internet, where I know I had bought some tracks before. But now? They “had no record!” What? Dawg? Are you seriously gona say to me that you have no record of my credit card, my name? My address? Nothing? Really? So, ok, you are not from here, right?
Anyway, I just thought fuck it, got out my compiler (on Linux, of course) and wrote a little program that would upload to their open socket and let me get in. Ok, that took me, using pre-written routines? In C? Lol. Bet non of you has an idea!!!
It took around 5 minutes, because, yes, you can get the routines online, but you still have to compile them, stoopid!!
Ok, so, I was in. Then I heard the horn , toot? Is that a word for a horn? (Of course I mean a fucking car-horn and not a trumpet, twat!!!) So, I grabbed the chunk of wood and went out.
The lights were on in the car, but it was dark and I could not see who was there? Maybe it was a person? So, I did what any self-respecting, er, ok, person, would do? I walked right up to the car. (Wood behind my back, it was REALLY heavy!!! Only about 3” thick, but, long and heavy!! Shit, I done told you it was heavy, right? RIGHT!
You looking for something? I kind of shouted, asked? You lost?
Tell me why, please tell me why I really hoped the fucker would get out of his car and try to jump me giving me the excuse I, apparently, wanted/needed?
But, no such, er, stuff. No car door opening. No movement of a body inside. No lights or radio going on or off. No cigarette smoke from the window?
Well, what would YOU do? I tightened my grip on the wood. (I should tell you about that! It still had the bark (no, not like a dog! Silly! Tree-bark!!!) on it. I had not shaved it. I would NEVER shave a bit of wood without permission! I did not want to blunten that knife. Of course, I had many of them, but, they were all equally sharp and I thought, why? Er, I mean, of course, I did not wish to blunten my knife. OK? At the time? Is all. And now? I was glad for it. Imagine, Bark on a head would stick more than shiny, peeled wood. I could see it. See it? Shine. Swipe. Splat! And!! The wood would (get it?!!!) not slip from my hand, because of the dog, er, sorry, the bark!!
So, I took out my knuckles. THAT may sound a little strange to you? But, they really were hidden in the army jacket! So, I took them out and tapped the window.
What happened next is too fast to describe. It matters not. They all went with the swipe. The blood did not splatter and nothing followed me as I walked, peacefully off. I felt like a pint. No doubt an ex would have said I looked like one too. but, nope. I just smiled, and walked away. No splatter on me, mate, nothing that matters with the splatters.